Most of the time, assumptions are unspoken, subtle, puppet-masters pulling our strings from behind the scenes of consciousness. Sometimes, assumptions are the bold declarations that we shout from the rooftops.
'Never again' is of the latter for me. One that I've proclaimed many times after each episode of depression. One that makes Future Me want to go back + squeeze Past Me's cute little cheeks for professing such a painfully naive 'victory'.
The Art of Maintaining
I'm now in the familiar phase of my recovery where I'm at the highest risk of relapsing. Just as I've been through 13 episodes of depression, so I'm now entering my 13th attempt at rebuilding my life; aka recovery.
Lara Gress, a new friend + kindred spirit as fellow person with mental illness, describes recovery as 'remission' in her blog article, Depression vs. Hormones on loratastic.com. Note: check all her articles with mental health tag. She's one wise chickie... her wisdom is also gained from the pain of experience.
It's challenging but when you finally stop searching for an ever-illusive cure (it really doesn't exist. I'm sorry... I know it sucks to hear) + begin viewing mental illness in practical, realistic terms, the name of the game becomes 'maintenance' as a long-term health strategy.
It's much easier to maintain good health -- there are many more things that you can do/control/manage to help yourself stay healthy -- than it is to claw your way out of the abyss of depression. It's possible to climb out of depression, but in comparison it simply takes much less effort to stay out of it all together.
I'm all about cutting corners + doing the least amount of work possible... so that I have more time + energy for living the life that I enjoy. Staying healthy, as counter-intuitive as it seems, is taking the-easy-street-approach to managing mental illness. Taking extra-good care of yourself is a preventative measure to keep you from triggering another episode, a relapse.
Before this realization, recovery in the past would usually be where I've declared 'never again'. In doing so, I essentially gave myself free-license to begin embracing old habits that led to depression in the first place. I boldy did so, too, because I thought I had 'overcome' depression once + for all. Aaah... so cute:)
Removing the blindfold, the light painfully blinds
Does that last paragraph make sense? If you view mental health from what you glean from the pharmaceutical commercials, probably not.
In my opinion, the TV commercial for Cymbalta does just as much harm as good in creating awareness of mental illness. On one hand, it does a great job of accurately portraying the physical manifestations of what depression looks + sounds like. Vacant, drained faces in vacant, drained places. Seeing it may be the revelation that helps someone living in denial of a problem to take the first steps toward seeking treatment.
However, that commercial conveniently overlooks something very big. While we all look the same in the end, symptom-wise, there are unique reasons + circumstances that brought each of us to that end-result of depression. The causes are as infinitely varied as there are infinite variations of people... thus, the designation, individual. C'mere you beautiful little snowflake. *hugs*
So, on the other hand + as the downside to those commercials, there is no possible way that one single method of therapy (like, say... the one form of medication being advertised) is going to be the cure-all for everyone, everywhere, who ever lives with depression... now + forever more. Amen.
But, you would never draw that conclusion from that drug commercial. If only they were as straight-forward as the commericals + ads in The Invention of Lying:
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| "It's Coke. It's very famous. Everyone knows it. I'm Bob, I work for Coke + I'm asking you not to stop buying Coke. Thanks." See the full commerial: http://youtu.be/fhtTU-guW60 |
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| Oh, what a wonderful world it would be if only campaigns were so honest... |
Marketing Manipulation
I always found it 'interesting' in my marketing classes in college that much of the terminology utilized is borrowed from psychology.
One book in my Principles of Advertising class listed a series of 'emotional triggers' (a very psych term) + how they should be utilized to effectively influence action. Playing on your emotions increases the likelihood that you'll act in the way that they desire... buying whatever they are selling. Action = sales.
Common advertising triggers are: fear, guilt, trust, value, belonging, competition, instant gratification, leadership, trend-setting, time. And they are everywhere you look today. The only big one missing from the list, that could be worked into any of the other 10, is sex... more appropriately, playing on the fear that you won't get any. As the old adage goes, sex sells.
You may think I'm being too cynical. Fair enough; read the article that I pulled the advertising triggers from entitled: 10 Common -- and Effective -- Emotional Triggers on Entrepreneur.com.
But, be forewarned: the tone of the article as well as the content will make you want to go punch a sweet little kitten in the face after reading. You'll also start to understand + appreciate why I'm not working full-time in marketing/design anymore. You'll also start to understand + appreciate why people are Occupying.
There's simply too much inauthenitcity in the world + collectively, we've had enough.
No one likes being taken advantage of
Utilizing emotional triggers can be damaging because they often paint a picture of the world that is simply not consistent with reality.
If you don't do this, you'll be... uncool, ... unhappy, ... dirt-poor, ... the laughing-stock of all your peers, ... women/men will hate your face, ... you'll die a slow, painful, wretched death completely alone, ... etc, etc, etc.When the facade of advertising crumbles under the truth of life-experience, my reaction is usually shock which quickly morphs to anger + then to burning rage: 1) toward myself for buying into the lie (self-loathing) + then, more appropriately, 2) toward those who intentionally propagated it in the first place.
In our society, prying on emotions or fears is socially acceptable as a 'soft' manipulation called influence... I question that quiet acceptance. Manipulation (of any degree) is still manipulation.
If marketing, design, advertising + public relations would simply say what they mean, we'd all be a-okay.
But they don't.
They play on our emotions to get a carefully-crafted response from us.
So, you've got to be wise + protect yourself by always questioning the reasons behind their messages. Again, usually it's to get you to do something involving $$. Blah. *shakes head*
Pharmaceutical ads are no different.
Occupy Anti-Depressant Ads
To come back down from my jaded high horse, I am not implying that all drugs are bad. But still... Don't do drugs, kids.
No, my problem is + always will be the presentation of pharmaceutical solutions as the catch-all solution, the quick solution, the only solution to enable you to keep on living, business as usual.
They package false hope.
Desperate for relief, we eat it up.
But not for very long.
Inevitably, we become wise when the world around us doesn't suddenly become as bright + sunshiny or our interactions with others as fun + laughter-filled as portrayed or promised in those same commercials.
Contrary to what those commercials suggest, depression doesn't just randomly happen to you like an untimely disease. You're not the unfortunate victim of fate who's been dealt the crappy hand of cards that you are now forced into playing. Depression doesn't come out of nowhere as a cosmic, karmic punishment for your doings in this life (or any previous lives... depending on what you believe).
No, there are very real reasons why you're depressed. In the most basic sense, it's result of the everyday life you are living.
Wait. Before you react, allow me to explain.
Jagged Little Pill
I say wait because my first reaction to that assumption-challenging mind-bomb (depression is the result of the way you are living) came from one of my first counselors about four years ago. At that time, I had been experiencing depression for about 9 years on my own; surviving 6 or 7 episodes on my own without any outside, professional assistance.
My first-reaction could have been due to the method of her delivery (not very gentle... actually rather clinical + abrasive).
Or, due to the place along my life's journey where I found myself: very scared, not knowing what was happening or why, certain that I was broken, sick + tired of fighting that old familiar fight, in tremendous distress + with a very different perception of what mental illness was (via drug commercial 'education') as opposed to the reality of what it actually is.
It could have been a combination of all of those + as well as other factors that lead to my defensive yet very understandable reaction:
"Whaaat?! So, I'M causing this, huh? You think I'm doing this to myself because I LIKE being depressed? Are you kidding me? [Commencing shut-down sequence in... three, two, one... beeeepbooopboobooboop (radio static)]Shutting down in the way of shutting out any outside perspective or counsel.
Self-preservation
To be clear, shutting down is a great + useful defense to self-protect from any additional harm when you've got too many conflicting points of opinion/advice coming at you from too many directions. This is also why I'm not living on Facebook anymore.
No single outside person can fully understand the situation you are living through + experiencing.
Unfortunately, like most defenses, shutting down comes at the cost of a limited, narrow perspective with it's own set of negative consequences.
- If you're an optimist by nature/nurture, it's awesome, though you are probably going to make some faulty pie-in-the-sky assumptions that may trip you up along the way.
- If you're a pragmatist, you're probably doing amazing in life + have no idea why I'm writing these articles. Good for you, but please don't gloat. Kindly move along, my dear:)
- But, if you're a cynical, jaded, pessimist by nature/nurture like me, then shutting out the outside world is quite far from awesome.
However, it's not completely without hope.
You can save yourself; sometimes with a little help
I'm a big believer in the concept that you + you alone hold all the knowledge + power to restore, mend, re-discover + develop yourself.
No one can do it for you. Sometimes, though, a little guidance is helpful + necessary to:
- figure out that inner-strength + wisdom for yourself;
- embrace that inner-strength + wisdom +
- learn how to harness that inner-strength + wisdom well without any interference from maladaptive habits or defenses you've picked up along the way of living life.
Through CBT, I've learned how to recognize/identify harmful maladaptive habits that were interfering with my life. I've learned how to unlearn them. I've learned how to replace them with better methods of dealing with life.
Ideally in that order, but the process of change is both trial/error + cyclically-progressive. Cyclic because the process of learning + relearning looks like this: one step forward, two steps back, three steps forward, one step back, five steps forward, three steps back + on + on in no regular, predictable pattern, other than overall forward-moving.
The next best thing to a cure is long-term sustainable changes that bring blessed relief.
Reeling it back in
So, to elaborate upon my 'most basic sense' statement I made above:
Depression is result of the everyday life you are [desperately trying to live].
The molds you are trying to force-fit yourself into.AND, none of which are jiving with your natural inclinations, abilities or passions. (Haha! I successfully worked 'jive' in there... everything is better with colloquiality circa 1970. Teehee:)
The standards you are trying to conform to.
The people you are trying to please or with which you are trying to compete.
The optimal level of cool, happiness, wealth, status +/or power you are trying to possess.
The sacrifices you are making of yourself in the vain attempts of trying to meet everyone else's needs first + foremost before your own.
The level of perfection that you are trying to live up to, the unrealistically high level that no one else expects of you.
The [Ouchies] of Life
Reality: bites... is a rude awakening... is a slap in the face... is any of the other idiomatic phrases we fondly use to express how much it can simply suck sometimes. Usually, it sucks so because we idyllically expect it not to.
Regardless of who you are or how insulated you think you are, life happens. to everyone. without exception. eventually.
When it does, that painful reality is extra torturous because of the added disconnect of being completely contrary to our expectations. In that case, reality can seem like being punched in the stomach for no reason.
I hope that this article is not too much of a punch in the stomach for you. But, I also don't want it to feed into or create more of the false expectations in the world today that are already doing an excellent job beating us into a pulp.
Throughout this blog, my aim is to highlight unrealistic expectations + to begin replacing them with more healthy, realistic ones.
Death stinks
Even if they have caused all kinds of chaos + devastation in our lives/relationships, our assumptions are still familiar + known. The process of changing them is painful because it's the death of something that we've known for a very long time, maybe a lifetime. Unknown + uncertain, death is scary.
We become attached to our assumptions. We experience separation anxiety without them. We so highly esteem our assumptions -- placing more value on them than they are actually worthy of -- that they end up wielding a disproportionate amount of control over us. Sounds a lot like an abusive relationship, doesn't it?
Even more dangerous + destructive, we have a difficult time separating our assumptions from our identity. Even though they are two very separate things, it's still very easy + common to question: Who am I without... that assumption? ... that person? ... that career? ... that title? ... that possession? ... that condition?
No, you are not your assumption, just like you are not your diagnosis. I am not Jack's overactive amygdala. I'm Stephie... oh, + by the way, I also happen to experience anxiety + depression from time to time, no big whoop.
The end is the beginning is the end... so on + so forth
It's very possible + very common to mourn the loss of an assumption. Odd as it may be, we often do grieve the loss of things so intangible + so flexible because in our minds we've made our assumptions very real + very rigid through the practice of living life.
That mourning is also why it's possible to look upon challenging assumptions with hesitation, hopelessness, reluctance, discouragement, apprehension... or all of the above.
Our assumptions are precious to us. Changing them is like an end of an era.
But, it's not final. Try to focus on this reality instead: the end is just the beginning... the beginning of something better.
With that shift, new knowledge + fresh perspective... let the (personal) revolution begin!
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